English scroll down...
Sain kirja enda kallilt õelt Hillelt ning avastasin kui arukaks võib üks õde muutunud olla kui temaga ei ole pikka aega rääkinud. Niisiis lugesin ta kirja kohe kiiresti läbi, sest seal oli nii palju põnevusttekitavat ning kirjutasin kohe kiiruga vastu ka, et see vaimustus pealt ära ei läheks. :)
Heldeke, olen nii elevuses. Kokku sai 10 lehekülge peenet kirja. Ja kokku kulus umbes kolm tundi. Iga kord kui enda õdedelt kirja saan taipan kui halb on otse suhelda, sest liiga tihti olen midagi vale vastuseks neile öelnud, mis nende emotsiooni ära tapab ning nad ei julge enam mulle midagi vastu öelda. Kurb-kurb.
Kirjas on kõike palju lihtsam öelda, sest siis on võimalik, et teine loeb Sinu emotsiooni nii, et tegelikku emotsiooni ei tea ning saab ise teha enda järeldused, ilma et teine vahele segaks. See ongi selle kõige juures nii hea, et saab öelda asju, mida muidu ei julge ning teine loeb ja võib-olla vihastab, aga samas see jääb ta mõttesse edasi ning võib-olla ta ei kirjutagi kunagi vastu, aga vähemalt saab siis sellisel viisil teada, mida mina mõtlen või tunnen.
See annab palju rohkem infot edasi kui näiteks Facebooki sõnum, mille loed läbi ja jätad sinnapaika või isegi unustad.
Tihti on selline tunne, et tapan liiga palju enda hirmudele keskendudes teiste mõtteid.
Sellega mõtlen peamiselt, et oletame et teine tuleb mulle rääkima, et tahab minna vahetusaastalt tagasi tulles teise gümnaasiumi ning ilma pikemalt mõtlemata vastan, et miks, kas sulle ei meeldi see kool kus sa praegu oled või küsin kus sa elama hakkad ning teine hirmub sellest automaatselt ära ning ei julge edasi rääkida.
Niisiis ma ütleksin endale, kes ma teise emotsiooni tapma hakkan, et ole ometi vait, ära ütle midagi, kuula kõigepealt ära, mis tal öelda on ja siis kui sul on midagi arukat lisada võid seda teha. Aga mõtle enne, kas see mida sa ütled talle on ikka seda väärt või on see ainult su enda hirmu peegeldus.
Ma tean enda kogemusest, et olen palju õdede emotsioone ära tapnud, sest mu enda elus on olnud palju ebakindlust või minevikus tegemata valikuid. Ja sellest tulenevalt kui kuulen näiteks mujale kooli minekust tuleb alateadvuslikult mälust meelde see aeg kui mina seda teha ei saanud ja keegi minu mõtteid ei toetanud ja ma lihtsalt kuulasin teiste vahelesegamist ja lasksin teistel enda eest otsuse teha.
Luban olla parem kuulaja ja mitte vahele segada ning teiste emotsioone ära tappa.
Luban olla parem õde, kes näägutamise ja õpetamise asemel kuulab ära ning toetab ja annab nõu kui tunnen, et seda minult palutakse.
Hea on olla distantsilt õde (ja tütar), sest siis ei ole vaja otse kokku puutuda ning suhe on parem kui iga päev ei näe.
Oh kui õnnelik olen, et meie õelus on nii tugevaks mu kahe kalli õega, kellest üks on Austrias ja teine Eestis ning ise olen Islandil.
*********************************************************************************
Estonian word game: Õelus: jealousy; Õelus: being a sister
Being a sister is the best supportive gift
I received a letter from my lovely sister Hille and I discovered how smart she has become while I haven't seen or talked to her. So I read through the letter very quickly and there were so many exciting things there that right after when I finished reading it I started writing the answer so the amazement and fascination wouldn't go away. :)
Gosh, I was so excited. :) I wrote 10 pages of small writing and sent it back to her. It took me about 3 hours.
Every time when I receive a letter from them I realize that it is very bad to talk to them, better is to write, because too many times I have killed their emotion and said something stupid for a reply that just kills the whole story and they don't want to tell me anything more. Sad-sad
But in the letter there is so much easier to say things, because then there is the possibility that the other one reads your emotion and (s)he doesn't really see the real emotion, (s)he can think about the letter and make its own conclusions without you saying anything more to them. It is the good thing that you can actually say things you don't have guts to say to their face.
The other person reads it and maybe even gets very angry at you, but then again (s)he will memorize it and sleep on it and maybe even though she would never write you back she will at least get the picture of how you think or feel.
The letter also gives on more information than Facebook message, which you could just read through and leave or moreover forget.
Very often I find myself thinking that I kill too much of their emotions because I live on my own fears and instead of giving advice I let the fears take the control over my emotions. So let's just pretend now that the other person comes up to me and starts telling me that after she will come back from her exchange year she wants to go to another school. So instead of listening her I automatically reply something like why would you want to change the school, don't you like it here or you know that it is very expensive to live on your own or whatnot. So the other person gets very scared of that thought and she is too afraid to talk more about it.
I would tell to myself if i will start killing other person's emotion that shut up, what are you talking about, would you bother to listen to her what She has to say in the first place and then if maybe you will have something very nice to say and you think it is necessary you could say it.
But think beforehand if it is worth it or if it is just the reflection of your own fear?
I know from my own experience that I have killed a lot of my sisters' emotions, because in my own life there hasn't been a lot of self-confidence and decisions that hadn't been done and whenever they will start talking about something like that I unconsciously get the feeling from my memory that reminds me the time when I had to make decisions on my own but no one was supporting my ideas and instead I just let everybody make decisions instead of me and control my life.
From now on i promise to be a better listener and not interrupt while they speak, promise not to kill their emotions.
I promise to be a better sister, who instead of braging and teaching them what they should or shouldn't do I listen to them and support them and give advice when I feel it is necessary and I have been asked for it.
It is very awessome (!) to be a sister (daughter) from the distance, because then we don't have to see each other every day and the relationship is better when we don't see each other often.
I am so happy that our sisterness (õelus in straight translation from Estonian) has become so strong with my two lovely sisters. One is in Austria and the other one is in Estonia and I am here in Iceland.
No comments:
Post a Comment